Winter '03
Cars Not To Drive Behind
As a transplanted Brit., having lived in America for five years now, I have formed some opinions, which I should like to share with you on the unwritten rules of the driving code over here.
Of course, the driving on the street over here is very different from that of Britain. You know, straight, multi-laned roads, a proliferation of speed limits and multiple traffic lights, as against winding, two-lane roads, just three major speed limits and not too many traffic lights. A new system to learn.
However, there is one aspect that I’ve seen nothing printed about, though I believe that it’s embedded in every U.S. Citizen’s psyche, every time they get out in their car/truck/SUV, on the street. It is the subject of which car to follow in which lane on the street to cover your journey in the shortest possible time, given that with the current levels of traffic, one is almost bound to be forced to follow someone else.
My observations are all based on experience and I’ll give the vehicles NOT to stay behind first; here goes!
1: Any Cadillac of the seventies or eighties. Invariably driven by an over seventy year old, sometimes with grandma being almost too short to see over the steering wheel, these really are land barges, going just about as slowly as their canal brethren. Also prone to make unsignalled right/left turns, they are a true menace. I believe our local Cadillac dealer is the largest in the Country, not surprising as Florida is supposed to be the land of the nearly dead/newly weds. Nineties Northstar Cadillacs are not quite so bad, these are usually driven by fat businessmen, (usually property developers), of fifty plus. They are getting slower by the day.
I don’t understand Cadillac. Here they have this corner of the market sewn up with all the shrivels buying them and they try to win Le Mans? Do the executives at Cadillac really believe even an outright win there will sell an extra car? Somehow, I doubt it.
2: Any seventies/eighties Chevy/Ford sedan. Invariably driven by the less well off. Usually worn-out with battered fenders, cracked screens and “for sale” notices on them. Avoid getting stuck behind these as the fumes from the 300,000-mile plus engine will get you, even if the driver’s antics don’t.
3: Trucks hauling trailers loaded down with garden mowing equipment. Slow off the mark this lot, though with a disturbing habit of accelerating just fast enough so that they are in the next lane, just as you want to move into it. On approaching a traffic light with one of these ahead of you, try to move to an adjacent lane.
4: Rental trucks: Same comments apply as for (2).
5: Older Jeep/Mitsubishi/Honda. These are usually driven by shaven-headed young men with the sides of the car pulsating in and out in time to the staggering back beat of the rap tune that’s being belted out on the car’s 1400 speakers.
Ally this to the coffee can exhaust that’s usually fitted to these vehicles and DON’T get behind one at the traffic lights, whatever happens. Your hearing will be permanently impaired; to say nothing of the exhaust fumes you’ll breathe in.
6: Sports cars/convertibles, (any make). Now invariably driven by a fifties-plus guy who always travels 5 mph below the posted speed limit.
Now for the cars to latch on to and stay behind, if you want to travel quickly;
1: Pick-up trucks. Usually by Dodge, although Ford run them close. Pick-up trucks are always driven by young men with baseball caps worn backwards. They appear to have a total disdain for the posted speed limits, usually travelling 10-20mph over. Add another 5-10mph for a Dodge Ram pick-up, this always with a very throaty exhaust note.
2: S.U.V.’s. Simply useless vehicles, whilst blocking out the light, if they’re ahead of you in a car, will still travel at 10-20mph over the posted limit and accelerate away from the lights surprisingly quickly. Add another 10mph if driven by a woman below thirty.
3. Young women are the fastest drivers on the road today. They appear oblivious to any potential speed trap or patrolling cop car. Add in the fact that they’re drinking Starbucks coffee/applying make-up/talking on the cellphone, (sometimes all three together), and you can see that we live in a truly matriarchal society. Sorry, guys, but that’s the way it is.
